ABC of Bengali

ABC of Bengali

A is for Awpheesh (as in Office). This is where the average
Kolkakattan goes and spends a day hard(ly) at work. And if he works
for the "West Bengal Gawrment" he will arrive at 10, wipe his forehead
till 11, have a tea break at 12, throw around a few files at 12.30,
break for lunch at 1, smoke an unfiltered cigarette at 2, break for
tea at 3, sleep sitting down at 4 and go home at 4:30. It's a hard
life!

B is for Bhision. For some reason many Bengalis don't have good
bhision. In fact in Kolkata most people are wearing spectacles all
the time.

C is for Chappell. Currently, this is the Bengali word for the Devil,
for the worst form of evil. In the night mothers put their kids to
sleep saying, æNa ghumaley Chappell eshey dhorey niye jabeö

D is for Debashish or any other name starting with Deb-. By an
ancient law every fourth Bengali Child has to be named Debashish. So
you have a Debashish everywhere and trying to get creative they are
also called Deb, Debu, Deba with variations like Debanik, Deboprotim,
Debojyoti, etc. thrown in at times.

E is for Eeesh. This is a very common Bengali exclamation made famous
by Aishwarya Rai in the movie Devdas. It is estimated that on an
average a Bengali, especially Bengali women, use eeesh 10,089 times
every year. "Ei Morechhey" is a close second to Eeesh.

F is for Feeesh. These are creatures that swim in rivers and seas and
are a favourite food of the Bengalis. Despite the fact that a fish
market has such strong smells, with one sniff a Bengali knows if a
fish is all right. If not he will say 'eeesh what feeesh is theesh!'

G is for Good name. Every Bengali boy will have a good name like
Debashish or Deboprotim and a pet name like Montu, Bablu, etc. While
every Bengali girls will have pet names like Tia, Tuktuki, Mishti,
Khuku, etc.

H is for Harmonium. This the Bengali equivalent of a rock guitar. Take
four Bengalis and a Harmonium and you have the successors to The
Bheatles!

I is for lleesh. This is a feeesh with 10,000 bones which would kill
any ordinary person, but which the Bengalis eat with releeesh!

J is for Jhola. No self respecting Bengali is complete without his
Jhola. It is a shapeless cloth bag where he keeps all his belongings
and he fits an amazing number of things in. Even as you read this
there are 2 million jholas bobbling around Kolkata- and they all look
exactly the same! Note that 'Jhol' as in Maachher Jhol is a close
second

K is for Kee Kaando !. It used to be the favourite Bengali exclamation
till eeesh took over because of Aishwarya Rai (now Kee Kando's agent
is trying to hire Bipasha Basu).

L is for Lungi - the dress for all occasions. People in Kolkata
manage to play football and cricket wearing it not to mention the
daily trip in the morning to the local bajaar. Now there is talk of a
lungi expedition to Mt. Everest.

M is for Minibus. These are dangerous half buses whose antics would
effortlessly frighten the living daylights out of all James Bond
stuntmen as well as Formula 1 race car drivers.

N is for N ishchoi. This is the Bengali word for Obvious . It is the
most interesting word in any expression!

O is for Oil. The Bengalis believe that a touch of mustard oil will
cure anything from cold (oil in the nose), to earache (oil in the
ear), to cough (oil on the throat). And of course for taste (oil on
the food).

P is for Phootball. This is always a phavourite phassion of the
Kolkattan. Every Bengali is born an expert in this game. The two
biggest clubs there are Mohunbagan and East Bengal and when they play
the city comes to a stop.

Q is for Queen. This really has nothing to do with the Bengalis or
Kolkata, but it's the only Q word I could think of at this moment.
There's also Quilt but they never use them in Kolkata.

R is for Robi Thakur. Many nany years ago Rabindranath got the Nobel
Prize. This has given the right to all Bengalis no matter where they
are to frame their acceptance speeches as if they were directly
related to the great poet and walk with their head held high. This
also gives Bengalis the birthright to look down at Delhi and Mumbai
and of course 'all non-Bengawlees'!
Note that 'Rawshogolla' comes a close second !

S is for Shourav. Now that they finally produced a genuine cricketer
and a captain, Bengalis think that he should be allowed to play until
he is 70 years old. Of course they will see to it that he stays in
good form by doing a little bit of "joggo" and "maanot".

T is for Trams. Hundred years later there are still trams in Kolkata.
Of course if you are in a hurry it's faster to walk.

U is for Aambrela. When a Bengali baby is born they are handed one.

V is for Bhaayolence. Bengalis are the most non-violent violent
people around. When an accident happens they will fold up their
sleeves, shout and scream and curse and abuse, but the last time
someone actually hit someone was in 1979.

W is for Water. For three months of the year the city is underwater
and every year for the last 200 years the authorities are taken by
surprise by this!

X is for X-mas. It's very big in Kolkata, with Park Street fully lit
up and all Bengalis agreeing that they must eat cake that day.

Y is for Yesshtaarday. Which is always better than today for a Bengali
(see R for Robi Thakur).

Z is for Jebra, Joo, Jipper and Jylophone.

[this list was not written by me. i just copied it from a Fwd email, so that I can revisit it whenever I am short of humour in life]